Monday, April 2, 2012


It feels like hell. There is nothing in the world that can make you happy, including your loved ones. Sure you have a few moments where something makes you smile or laugh, but other than that you suffer through hours of sadness, hate, and emptiness. In the past month I have considered harming myself physically many times. The strange thing is, one of my biggest fears is drowning but yet thats how I keep imaging myself ending it all. What frustrates me more than anything is that I try to be happy, and I just can't be. Even while I'm with people I haven't seen in weeks, the happiness I feel lasts only momentarily. It makes me feel horrible because I know I should be happy...

Lately, I've been masking my sadness with anger unintentionally. Sometimes the anger just bursts out before I can stop myself. I get stuck in certain moods, and it is so hard for me to get out of them. I just want to go somewhere away from everyone so they don't have to see me like this. For now, I can just looses myself in sleep and Minecraft.

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